Lost In This Overwhelming Place… The United States
So yeah… It has been a little while since I’ve actually written a blog. And to all of you, I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth! I have just been processing and getting through re-entry back into the United States. But the more I think about it and pray about it I realize that I won’t ever fully be back to normal here. And to be honest I don’t even know what it is to be normal anymore. I think that I keep putting off writing this blog because then I don’t have to acknowledge that this trip is over… That it’s done… Finished.
It has been a little over 2 months since May 12th the day I flew back into the United States. The 14th was the day I left all of my brothers and sisters and drove back to what I considered my “home.” A place that I would dream about… I would constantly think about what it would be like to finally finish the trip and step back into my house where I thought all of my comfort was. But I never expected to feel so lost in a place that I’ve known all of my life. A place that I thought was my comfort, my family, my bed, clean clothes, and showers everyday. I never realized that here in the United States I would now be out of my comfort zone and lost in a world full of conveniences.
Well here it is… Home is not one place to me now. But my heart has found a home in Nicaragua, The Philippines, Malawi, and The United States. God has blessed me with the ability to feel at home in every country I went to. Even at first when I felt totally out of my element I prayed to Him and he gave me joy in each place! I think about it and I get tears in my eyes as I write this.
Sometimes I just sit and think did I really leave for 9 months? Because now it feels like such a distant memory almost like a dream, but in my heart I know I went its just weird to think about because it flew by so fast. And it has made me realize how important time is. Cherish each moment you have because they fly by faster than you ever expect. And when you look back your grasping for it but its already passed and everything has moved on.
Going on a 9 month missions trip was totally out of my comfort zone and I pleaded with God. I told Him I would do anything else! Why do I have to do this? He told me that I needed to live my life fully for Him and get out of my comfort zone. And believe me it was the scariest thing I’ve done and at the same time the best thing I have ever done. I encourage everyone to take that step out in faith. When God calls you to do something go for it! Even if its something little. He will totally reward you for it. And yeah it isn’t always easy but if everything were easy we would never grow.
“I am acting with great boldness toward you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. In all our affliction, I am overflowing with joy.” (2 Corinthians 7:4)
“For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name." (Psalm 33.21)
I miss so much but I know this is the next stage it my life. A stage that I’ve wanted since before I graduated. I’m going to college now and this is a true test. Because when you are around 23 other people that are constantly praying for you, constantly praising the Lord, and just being accountability partners to you its easier to stay on track and strive to be with God grow closer to Him everyday. Now I’m a little nervous heading off to college. I ask myself am I strong enough? No I’m not strong enough but God is my strength and it’s more important than ever to fully rely on His strength to help me do what He wants me to do at college this fall.
Thank you all who have supported me with prayer and financially. I has meant the world to me! If anyone still wants to hear about my trip give me a call or something and we can schedule to meet up!
When you come to the edge of all the light you have known, and are about to step out into darkness, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen; There will be something to stand on, or you will be taught to fly.
– Jonathan Livingston Seagull
God Bless,
Beckah Shenk
